Hey friends, it's Lizzie. If I could sit across from my 25-year-old self — the one who was so anxious about doing life “right” — here's everything I'd want her to know. Maybe you need to hear it too.
You don't have to have it all figured out
I spent my 20s convinced everyone else had a master plan and I was the only one improvising. The truth? Nobody knows what they're doing — they're all just figuring it out in real time, same as you. The pressure to have it “together” by 30 is a made-up deadline. You have so much more time than the panic tells you.
Stop trying to shrink yourself
So much of my energy went into being smaller — smaller body, smaller opinions, smaller presence. What a waste. The moment I started taking up space (in the gym, in rooms, in my own life), everything got better. You are not too much. Be more, not less.
Your real friends matter more than a big circle
I used to measure friendship by quantity. Now I'd trade a hundred acquaintances for the three people who show up when it's hard. Invest in the ones who feel like home, and stop pouring energy into rooms where you have to perform to belong.
Take the scary leap sooner
Every big thing I was afraid of — walking into that first kickboxing class, starting a business, putting myself out there — turned out to be the doorway to the best parts of my life. Fear was almost always pointing at exactly what I needed to do. You don't have to feel ready. Ready comes after you jump.
Comfort is not the goal
The comfortable path is rarely the fulfilling one. Growth lives on the other side of the stuff that scares you. I'd tell her: get comfortable being uncomfortable, because that's where you actually become who you're meant to be.
Be so much kinder to yourself
The way I talked to myself in my 20s — I'd never speak to a friend that way. If I could give her one gift, it'd be self-compassion. You're doing better than you think, you're allowed to be a work in progress, and you deserve the same patience you give everyone else.
You're going to be okay — better than okay
The thing I most wish she knew: it works out. Not perfectly, not on your timeline, but it works out in ways you can't imagine yet. The best decade is ahead of you, not behind. So breathe, take the leap, and be gentle with the girl figuring it all out. She's going to build something beautiful. 💛
It's never too late to change course
If there's one thing my 30s have proven, it's that the “it's too late” story is a lie. I started serious training when people said I should be settling down. I've watched women pivot careers, start businesses, learn to fight, and fall in love with their lives well into their 40s, 50s, and beyond. There is no expiration date on reinventing yourself, chasing a dream, or becoming someone new. Whatever you've been telling yourself you're “too old” or “too late” for — that's just fear wearing a practical costume. The only wrong time to start is never. Your next chapter can begin the moment you decide it does.
About Lizzie — “Liz Lightning”
Lizzie is a 10-year kickboxer and the founder of How To Live 30. Writing from Florida's Space Coast, she shares honest, tried-and-tested guidance on fitness, wellness, relationships, and loving your 30s. More about me →
The Advice I’d Skip
Most of what people tell their younger selves is either impossible to act on or would have changed nothing. “Don’t worry so much” isn’t actionable to someone who is worried. “Enjoy it while it lasts” is the least useful thing you can say to a twenty-four-year-old.
The advice that would actually have landed was specific and small, which is why I’d keep it concrete rather than philosophical.
What Twenty-Something Me Got Right
Worth saying, because this genre tends to be all correction. Saying yes to things I wasn’t qualified for turned out to be the right instinct. So did leaving situations that were obviously wrong, even when I couldn’t articulate why.
Some of what reads as naivety in hindsight was actually a willingness to try things without needing certainty first — and that gets harder to access later, not easier.
Why This Exercise Is Worth Doing Anyway
You can’t send the message backward, but writing it clarifies what you currently believe, which is the actual point. Most of what you’d tell your younger self is a description of what you value now.
And it’s worth revisiting. The version of this I’d have written at thirty is different from the one I’d write today, which tells me more than either list does on its own.
The One I’d Actually Lead With
If I only got one line: the things you’re embarrassed about right now will be completely irrelevant within five years, and the things you’re avoiding because they’re uncomfortable are usually the ones that matter.
Almost everything I regret from that decade is something I didn’t do because I was worried about looking foolish. Almost nothing I regret is something I tried and got wrong.
Your Questions, Answered
What is the most useful thing to tell your younger self? Usually something about not rushing. Most regrets people report are about time spent worrying rather than about the outcomes they worried over.
Is it healthy to look back like this? In moderation, yes. Reflecting on the past is useful when it changes something about how you act now, and less useful when it just replays.
How do I stop regretting my twenties? By treating them as the tuition you paid for what you know now. Most of the useful lessons of a decade only make sense from the far side of it.
